Sunday, May 31, 2009

Apa Yang Kau Tunggu??

I went to hostel as early as 12 years old (biologically). i always consider myself one year younger because of my birth date :P. So I'd say I was pretty young then.

My parents especially my dad had trouble to release me on my own. I'm his youngest daughter. In the risk of being called a spoilt child (anak manja), i decided to go to school and live in a hostel.

It was an old school with old buildings. Regardless of the continuing maintenance upgrade, it was still, an old and the so-called haunted hostel. Tremendous disturbance occurred while i was there. But oh well, i don't want to reminisce every single thing here. There's only one occurrence that I myself confused to evaluate. I can't really tell, was it a disturbance or a sign.

There was one night that i skipped the night prep. I was a lazy bump back then. Breaking simple rules were so petty before my eyes. It was not just me, but also 2 other friends of mine, which i remember only one now. I called her Angah.

She was studying (the diligent yet naughty hostelier) and I was sleeping. I suddenly awoke because of my sleep paralysis. I was so accustomed to that peculiar sleep problems of mine that I tend to ignore it and tried to get back to sleep. However, when i was paralyzed, I heard a voice saying "Apa yang kau tunggu?" (What are you waiting for?). I was nervous and scared. The voice was so clear that I couldn't think of it as a hallucination. It was a man' s voice.
A voice without a body. Hmm...

I could see Angah studied in front of me without moving an inch. She didn't sense anything wrong, I suppose. So when I was able to move my musle and body I rose and tried to join Angah. I tried to study. I didn't tell her straight away because I didn't want to scare her. Few minutes after that, there were sounds of footsteps outside the dorm. It was our friend. Our night-prep was over. So we automatically rose and tried to act like we were also, just got back from the night prep. It was a successful act.

The next morning, I heard there was another disturbance occuring to our chef in Dewan Makan. He thought he was talking to someone beside him. But he soon realized that no one was there, but the smoke of the cigarette was still fresh in the air. . Hmm.. happened during the prep time.. when no students were allowed to walk around hostel or even DM. So who was the mystery smoker? only God knows whether it was a random naughty student or de facto another entity.

Nauzubillah. .

Up until now, I could still remember that voice and what he says. Sometimes i feel scared. but most of the time, I feel inspired. (weird? don't be). The words " Apa yang kau tunggu?" actually reminds me of how much time I have left to accomplish what I had to do. It also motivates me to grab and grasp some opportunities lied in front of me. Most importantly, it reminds me that I shall not wait for others to do something that I'm capable of doing.But as a human being, there were so many things that I've taken for granted in my life. I regret some of them, since there are certain things that you just cannot amend for the rest of your life.

My moral for today is.. when there's still chance and time.. WHY WAIT? . . why wait to be help ed while you're capable of lending your hands? why wait to get beaten in the eye but you could initiate peace? Why wait for others to do what you're suppose to while you hold the responsibility on your shoulder? why wait to be loved when you're not even trying to look for it? why wait for attention but you don't work for it? why wait for the stars while you can't even tell which is the cloud?

P/s.. gambar di atas hanya luahan kekesalan tak siap lagi assignment calculus. Thank you for reading.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

zipping my own thoughts

It's been awhile since i wrote something here.

Perhaps i'm too busy and simply can't be bothered of sharing my petty life here.

Why makes people suffer reading my whining thoughts anyway.

What's good in writing up if I don't have anything good to say at all.

Silence is the mother of wisdom. Agree?