My Reverse Culture Shock - List of should/shouldn't .

1. I should stop counting. ...the days I've left NZ.
2. I should stop comparing my life in these two different worlds. Different world demands different needs.
3. I shouldn't tell too much stories about NZ to anyone. For some, it's a knowledge sharing. For many, it's a show-off.
4. I shouldn't say that I miss NZ to my families.They have been waiting since forever for my return. 
5. I should enjoy being dependant on my family. I've lived too long on my own.
6. I should stop comparing cultures between these two worlds. The cultures are different and I have no right to say which cultures are better, no matter what my heart felt. Deciding so would imply that I've taken my root for granted.
7. I shouldn't say anything about sensitive issues. People won't understand that I have different thoughts,they'd presume I have been encumbered by some foreign ideologies. 
8. I shouldn't criticise or complain about anything. If it were to be translated as an insult, I'd be doomed. I should appreciate and tolerate things as it is.
9. I shouldn't force myself to act like myself. I should conform. People talks if you're different. People talks. 
10. I'm not a student anymore. The world is bigger and I've been absent from the supposedly-familiar land for a long time. I should accept that I'm a baby - I know nothing, have no skills to survive on this land so I should learn slowly. Step by step. Back to square one. Again, what do I want to do with my life? I have no idea. I'm a baby, yes. 
11. The delay of work means delay of my re-adjusting progress. It's okay. I should take the time and sleep away all the upcoming challenges. After all, it hasn't arrived. It's the rebonding time with family. It certainly is the longest holiday I have ever felt at home. 

As much as I need my continuum freedom in decision making, everything seems like working in binary here. It's either I should or I should not. 

Should anyone read this,  some might feel uneasy. I apologize in advance. I'm not bragging. I might be sick - if you say so. I'll be fine soon. Fingers-crossed. 

state highway 8. 100km/h

Small Details Are What Life Is All About?

First there is a time when we believe everything, then for a little while we believe with discrimination, then we believe nothing whatever, and then we believe everything again - and, moreover, give reasons why we believe.

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
(1742 - 1799)

You think you know something. Anything. You read. You listen. You discuss. You summarize what you knew. Or you think you knew. 

You pick a stand based on what you knew. Based on the summary of what you knew. You leave out the small details that you deem unimportant. Quite often, the summary is based upon generalization.

Generalization is powerful. Everything has a pattern. Fractals, numbers. In nature. In concrete. Either you find the formulas, or you create one. One size may not fit all. You create clusters of formulas. Among these clusters you choose what you can fit into categories. The process continues. It's a pattern. A repetition. Only at different scales.

Now. How do you choose the unimportant details? Is it simply because it's out of your chosen pattern? Or you discriminate the details and miss the actual pattern at a bigger scale? 

Just because we aren't well exposed to the "small" details, it doesn't mean that it's right to be taken for granted. What would an integration be without the constant C? It would be impossible to solve the problems. In short, even the smallest detail matters. 

Please don't take anything for granted. What we think is small may already be at large but we're denying the sense that we have to acknowledge that. They may not be the majority but they're there, screaming to be heard and to be put into the rightful equation. Small  quantities does not imply its degrees of importance in the same measurement. Proverb said

 

"Good things come in small packages" . 

Yes, that's exactly another generalisation but no, it's not completely absurd. 

Yes, discrimination is a big word. So be extra careful with our judgement. Pick ideas wisely. Also, let's have a bit of compassion for the people around us. Life would be much easier with more love and acceptance for diversity in life. 

In the end, we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught - Babu Dioum 1968

One month away from Civilisation

3 days ago marked the day that I've been home for a month. 

People talks a lot about Culture Shock. I experience Reverse-Culture Shock. Frankly, it's worst re-adapting than adapting to new environment. For me, that is. 

I tried to attend a religious talk this evening. The talk was scheduled at 9pm. My parents and I arrived at the hall before 9pm. From outside the hall I could still hear that Isya' prayer in mosque was not yet over. We sat in the hall, waiting for the speakers to turn up. Being quite an organizer myself, I understand the half-an-hour rule. It's half an hour of arrival for Malaysians. I reckoned the talk will start at 9.30pm. Eventually, the chairman started talking, at 9.50pm. (Yes. We waited for 50 freaking minutes) My mum has to work tomorrow so we left half an hour later. My mum left first, I followed later. She told me there were still people complaining outside that the talk has started when they themselves just got there at 10-ish! (Oh come, on!)

From my house I could hear the somewhat loud and highly energetic talk still going on at 11.56pm. The talk ended at midnight.

While Time is a classic concern of the Malaysians, particularly Malays hence "Janji Melayu", the thing that we take for granted always is the respect for minority. It seems so convenient for this Muslims majority country to put Quran recital or religious talk recording on loudspeaker for hours. For all to hear, including the non-Muslims of the entire town or village. Apparently, the loudspeaker is indeed LOUD.

While I still appreciate the Azan being on loudspeaker, I find other recordings are annoying for people who're sleeping, showering, resting, or do other non-spiritual things (like in the toilet). 

I also find it disrespectful of people other beliefs who need not to be told that they need to be converted. Over. and over again.  (Dear non-Muslim fellows, please don't tell me you're not offended. I would if I were you)

I also find it irritating to hear Imams preaching about political scam while they just want to put down political parties of their lesser interest. (In fact, I don't really care what politicians say. I'd rather find someone who works with that politician talks.) 

It is true that we wish to preach truth. We want to preach religion. To Muslims and non-Muslims alike. But if we don't practice respect, none of our speeches matter.  The message most likely won't get through.

If we don't respect time, we're wasting time. Q103: 1-3. (I'm sure a lot of people memorise these powerful verses).

If we don't respect other people, don't blame people when they play deaf or blind. (What else to hear if what you hear is noise and what else to see if what you see is just a mess)

I call this a reverse culture shock mainly because of the punctuality of the Western culture that I admire and also the respect that they practice in most cases especially when it involves privacy. I'm not saying that our country is bad. I'm just saying that there are certain things that hasn't changed while it should have changed. And there are certain things that are just getting worst. 

There are more to my Reverse-Culture Shock but mainly I keep it from public, including my family. It is for me to experience and deal with. What I put above, is for all to see and reconsider. What have we done to our culture and community?

P/s: Alright, I do agree with the anonymous reader who claims that the title is an overstatement. Frankly, it was just a catch to get people reading. Malaysians still lack of reading culture. I apologize. I still love my country for what it's worth.

What being a Secretary means to me.

10 years back all I knew about a Secretary was just someone who writes letters. Heaps of letters and reports. Hence that justified why back then whenever a secretarial post was offered it was always the case someone pointed out:

In school : ”Let’s appoint a girl. Girls are more diligent than guys.” Or,

In college :  ”Let’s appoint someone who’s good at writing, and diligent too” - At this point gender is not the main concern but the skills that matters.

But now in university : “Let’s appoint someone who has more free time and passionate about leadership” - At this point a much more mature criteria were pointed out. (Yes, free time IS important although we can always defy free time with "make" time)

I may not qualify for the most of the former criterias but I do, passionate about leadership. At this stage, being a secretary does not mean writing letters or emails all the time. A secretary must also know how to delegate work,  how to make good networking with people and above all, must know when to listen and when she/he is required to lead.

There are more portfolio for a secretary out there. You can google all you want. Although to me, I started with zero experience and knowledge. I learned from the very bottom. All I had when I first became a secretary was “my willingness to learn”.  Even now, I’m still learning.

3 years in the same position did not mean that I hindered myself to progress upwards, it just means that I’m equipping myself better before I start to think of leading on top. Not to mention, I somehow favour the thought of becoming the think tank more than being an icon. I’m forever thankful to everyone who has made my secretarial experience meaningful and successful thus far. It was definitely a rewarding experience.  

With this, I close my chapter of being the secretary of Wellington UMNO Club.

All that remains are good memories. Thank You and Thank GOD.

Ps: Back then I wonder why Secretary needs to have the Secretary’s Day. Now I realize, it’s a post worths celebrating.

Once in a lifetime.. snow

 (1)

It's winter.
It's cold.
It might snow.
It already rained.
Pouring, inside out.
It's never easy.

24 July at 22:00 

 (2)

It snows . . as hoped, and expected.

25 July at 13:36 

(3)

It snows again.
And it melts.
But still feel as cold.
Ah. .
Snow snow let it snow
It's paradise. In limbo.

14 August at 18:02  

(4)

It's snowing
Not the usual snow
It's once in a lifetime snow
In my eyes
Every time I see the snow
..I see you
I see us
It's surreal
It's once in a lifetime

To the wind that blows the hails
To the snow storm that clouds the sky
I whisper my prayers to you
Hoping you are well and healthy

16 August at 22:18   

Wellington city

Snow steps

 

 

Small and Big

There's a big task
There's a smaller task
While the small admires the big above
Some smaller envy people would small the big
And claim the big one does all the talk
While the small one does all the job, and indeed is bigger!
Also some big ones belittle the small ones below
Think all too high and stop caring much
Which indeed make them smaller!

It is not about the size, it is the dedication
It is not about relativity, it is the respect
It is not about the pride, it is the compassion
It is not about the brag , it is the acknowledgment
Whatever task it is, do it well.
Be critical, but not full time critics!

11.05 pm
Victoria University of Wellington

This photo is not mine

- Just my "petty" feelings about all the political rally in the world. Why? Ask me in person.

What Does It Mean to Love?

What does it mean to love?
If I can't be there for you
Through your desperate and happy times
To share your bad day as well as the good ones.

What does it mean to love?
To see my loved ones hurt each other
Thus cause me pain
For I can't be of any aid.

What does it mean to love?
If I have to hide it
For the sake of pride and remorse
Where honesty is questioned
and sincerity is tested.

What does it mean to love?
If I fear to let go
Yet I blocked my hearts
Good enough to be knocked
but well-sealed with a golden lock

[Republished. And now I don't even remember when I wrote it]